


you've always deserved better.

by sakuatsums



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Confessions, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, I can't write angst so don't worry about it too much, Insecurity, Internal Conflict, Kuroo missed him, M/M, Post-Time Skip, Tsukishima can't handle crushes, single parent, this fic is a mess but it's ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:28:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26077981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakuatsums/pseuds/sakuatsums
Summary: after all this time, tsukishima was given another chance to fix what had happened all those years ago.maybe this time, he could finally allow himself to enjoy what was given to him.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 8
Kudos: 162





	you've always deserved better.

**Author's Note:**

> hello !! this is my first time making my fics public and im excited that i finally did this
> 
> i hope you enjoy :]

By this point in his life, Tsukishima wasn’t entirely sure how much time had passed. Living out this somber life alone in Tokyo had taken quite a toll on him despite still being in his early twenties. Not that he minded, per say. It distracted him from those God damned feelings that latched onto him, draining him of all stamina and some days even tears, among other things. Of course for a while now, he’d planned on living in Tokyo despite it being a whole different setting from Sendai. So really in the end, it’s not like he wasn’t prepared for what has to come. 

With this new setting, it brought back memories. These memories were Kei’s main source of nostalgia and whatever emotions he’d almost seemed to lack nowadays. When Kei was a first year back in high school, Karasuno had traveled four hours by bus in order to reach Shinzen High all the way in Tokyo. Along with them was Fukurodani, Ubugawa, and Nekoma.

Tsukishima expected nothing more from this training camp other than suffering from seemingly endless practice matches and respecting boundaries by disregarding the other teams while off court.

However, that didn’t go as planned.

Unfortunately, Karasuno still ended up suffering an absurd amount of penalties, but that wasn’t what caused Kei to shiver during random hours of the day due to this persistent feeling of regret.

It was Nekoma. Specifically their scheming captain, Kuroo Tetsurou, who was definitely someone worth remembering.

Kei still remembered when he was first provoked into joining Akaashi, Kuroo, and Bokuto for extra practice. It irritated him to no end since he was embarrassed by two third years from other schools when they insisted that Tsukishima needed to try harder and would most likely be surpassed, but he already knew it was the truth. So, he responded the only way he knew how to. 

Acceptance. Brush it off like it meant nothing.

Before the other three could respond to his self-deprecating statement, the rest of Nekoma started piling into the third gym, granting Tsukishima the perfect opportunity to take his leave and retire for the rest of the night. He could tell they had more to say, but not wanting to hear the rest of it, Kei left, believing that’d be the end of the conversation. 

It was almost everyday that he had to hear his teammates' constant teasing of him lacking and falling behind someone like Hinata who was completely different from him in almost every way. Although they meant no harm, it really did affect him. Hearing it everyday was exhausting, but would he admit it? Of course not. Tsukishima was stubborn, he already knew that well, and appearing as weak in front of his teammates was the last thing he wanted. He didn’t want them to know he was affected by those words, as pathetic as it may sound.

Plus… he already told himself this everyday. When he saw Hinata happily striding in the hallways discussing volleyball with Kageyama, when Kei was getting ready to leave and Hinata would stay behind to practice, and when he saw the freak quick attack work out… What exactly did Tsukishima have to offer? His height? His pessimistic attitude? His lack of motivation?

He had nothing to offer, and he reminded himself everyday.

Hearing it from those three… Especially Kuroo, hit him hard and annoyed him more than anything. It also hurt. A lot. Unfortunately for Kei, he realized that somewhere in between their first ever practice match with Nekoma, and their current extra practices in the third gym, he’d started to have feelings for Kuroo. It frustrated Kei to no end and he did not want to hear the same statement out loud one more time, but he supposes that couldn’t really be avoided and he’d have to mentally prepare for tomorrow, and all days after that.

He proceeded to walk in a deafening silence, but just as he was at the front entrance of the main building, he heard heavy steps running closer to him, tearing him out of his thoughts. Tsukishima turned around just in time to see Kuroo slowing down his pace in order to stay a respectful distance away. “Tsukki!” He heaved out a breath, “Hold on, give me a minute.” Kuroo placed his hands on his hips, attempting to catch his breath, sweat glistening on his forehead either from his sudden outburst or their practicing from not too long ago. Probably both.

“What the fuck, Kuroo-san?” Tsukishima huffed, shaking his head disapprovingly. “There’s really no need to run.”

Kuroo let out a sigh of relief once he was able to regain his composure, “I was worried you already went back to the rooms.”

“I only left a few minutes ago…” Tsukishima frowned, “But that’s not the point. What do you want?” Kuroo mimicked his frown, avoiding eye contact for a few moments. He seemed to be collecting his thoughts. “Listen, about what I said earlier…” He started nervously scratching the back of his neck, “I’m sorry. I don’t really have the right to be accusing you of those things.” Kuroo finally met his gaze, but Tsukishima immediately broke it, choosing to focus on the different cracks in the concrete underneath them.

He was never good at confrontation.

“It’s fine, Kuroo-san. I don’t need to hear it. Goodnight-”

“You may not want to hear it, but I need you to listen.”

Finally, they locked eyes.

“Look… I really do feel awful about what I said. Trust me, after Bokuto and Akaashi called me out on it, I felt like shit and had to come after you.” Kuroo gestured to the steps leading into the building, the two of them taking a seat, a bit too close to each other, but neither of them bothering to fix it. After a few moments of listening to the many cicadas and shouts coming from the other gyms, Kuroo let out a sigh, “You know, you’re too hard on yourself, Tsukki. You deserve to hear better than what you’re telling yourself.” He moved to rest his elbows on his knees, playing with his fingers as a distraction. ”and what I said probably made those thoughts worse.”   
  
Kei fought off a frown, focusing on a small flower to his left so Kuroo wouldn’t be able to see his expression. He always knew Kuroo was great at reading people, which honestly was impressive and he did respect, but in his own case, he was irritated at the fact that Kuroo knew exactly how he was feeling. “For an apology this sounds a bit selfish, Kuroo-san.” Closing his eyes for a brief moment, Tsukishima continued where he left off. “Like I said, it’s fine, really. I’ve already accepted this fact a while ago, and I’m fine with it.”

Kuroo’s eyes softened while continuing to stare at Tsukishima. After being positive he wasn’t going to continue, Kuroo finally spoke up, “I meant what I said, Tsukki.”

An oddly warm hand was topped on Kei’s, causing him to jerk a little bit, but relaxed once he realized what was happening. A blush spread across Tsukishima’s face as he turned to look at Kuroo who was now only a few inches away from his face. Kuroo gently flipped over Tsukishima’s hand, and intertwined their fingers. “You deserve to hear better.”

Tsukishima’s eyes felt as if they were heating up, vision becoming a bit blurry as he switched his attention to their hands. He bit the inside of his cheek, a desperate attempt at hiding away his feelings. He did not cry in front of people, it was too humiliating, too dramatic, too defenseless, too out of character, he didn’t want the tears to escape in front of anyone, especially Kuroo. 

The tension remained heavy in their shared space.

Even though Kei began to feel like he was slowly being broken down, he looked up again, only to be met with that oh-so-familiar gaze. Kuroo didn’t look like he was going to back down anytime soon, as if he was determined to see some sort of reaction from Tsukishima. It felt like hours as they continued to stare, drowning out whatever little noise that was around them. Kei didn’t know how to react in such situations. If anything, he was scared of interpreting this the wrong way. He liked Kuroo too much, he couldn’t risk making things awkward between them. However, he noticed Kuroo moved a bit closer, beginning to close the already small space between them.

As soon as Kuroo’s eye’s flickered down at Kei’s lips, he started slowly leaning in.

Kei’s eyes widened and his breath hitched. Despite his lack of experience in these situations, he wanted to lean in too. He wanted to kiss Kuroo senseless like he’d wanted to for so long now. Kuroo was in reach and clearly he felt something towards Kei; Something that Kei also felt for him.

However, his tears threatened him again.

_ It’s too much. This is too much. Stop it. He deserves better. Better than you. _

Before anything could happen, as subtle as he could, Tsukishima slowly lowered his gaze away from Kuroo to stop him from making a mistake, instead, choosing to focus on their linked fingers once again. All was silent until his breath hitched and he noticed Kuroo drawing back, awkwardly sitting way too close all while trying to escape his embarrassment. Tsukishima knew he had to say something before the tension became worse.

“...Thank you, Kuroo-san,” Tsukishima squeezed their hands tighter together, hoping it was reassuring enough to fix all of this. “For coming out here to apologize. I appreciate it.”

It took a moment, but Kuroo cleared his throat, “Y-Yeah, it’s no big deal, I just felt like I needed to do this. So… Yeah. I’m really sorry, and I hope you can forgive me.” Tsukishima nodded, even though he wasn’t entirely sure if Kuroo was looking. All of the sudden, he became way too aware about their still intertwined hands. Immediately after taking notice, Tsukishima unlaced their fingers and took his hand back, instantly feeling all that guilt boiling up at once.

“I forgive you.”

Afterwards, it was a bit of an awkward goodbye as Tsukishima retreated to the rooms and Kuroo never met his gaze once in their exchange, but still properly bid him goodnight.

Recalling this painful memory was never a thought that forced him out of bed in the mornings, or strangled him breathless during those excruciatingly restless nights, but it was something he learned to accept during these passing years. Something that had actually been poking and prodding at him when he had Kuroo in reach back in high school… Unfortunately at the time, he didn’t know what was holding him back. He knows better now, not that it’s a good thing.

The issue was that Kei couldn’t properly comprehend his own struggles at the time. It wasn’t the fact that he was conflicted about his moment with Kuroo. It’s the fact that he did understand what he was feeling, but his mind was so fogged and relentless that he tricked himself into believing he didn’t deserve Kuroo.

Now that his chances with Kuroo were no longer, he pitied himself knowing that he had a chance to figure out his emotions back then, because now all these years later, he must suffer with that regret.

Despite distracting himself with his job at a museum in Tokyo, he couldn’t help these thoughts. As the days continued, of course he thought of Kuroo less and less, however, deep down he knew he could never really forget his past choices. He often laughed at himself knowing he was hopeless at this point.

He still had a crush on his high school friend. 

High school. He was a first year nine years ago. He’s been thinking about Kuroo for about nine years now.

Tsukishima shivered, body jolting, and almost dropping the clipboard he held close to his chest. His nose crinkled a bit in discomfort, feeling the physical weight of him embarrassing himself despite being the only one aware of his internal struggle. He received a concerned stare from his colleague who was standing right next to him. “You okay? Are you cold?” Tsukishima only nodded, pushing up his glasses to hide a creeping blush. The other man simply shrugged it off, knowing by now his coworker responded to him in ways such as this.

Currently, the two were supervising the Jurassic exhibit, which surprisingly, Tsukishima hadn’t really paid attention to despite his love and knowledge of these prehistoric creatures. He was barely halfway through his shift and he already wanted to go home. As much as it pestered him, Tsukishima was aware of what weighed him down today. This wasn’t like him at all. Normally, he was able to suppress these emotions, push them away, and focus on his daily routine until he came home, but something was definitely off about today. Perhaps it was merely the amount of people here… or maybe the headache inducing screams of children as they come face to face with a towering skeleton of the Tyrannosaurus.

After a few minutes had passed, Tsukishima’s coworker was dragged away by a crowd of people who wanted to hear more about the Apatosaurus and Brachiosaurus that were displayed in the very center of the exhibit. Tsukishima quickly turned around and left the scene, hoping no one would go scouting for another employee in this section of the museum. Although fascinated by these dinosaurs, he’d rather not explain it to a group of kids whose parents would pay him to dumb it down to a level where they could be interested and still understand. 

Lingering in an isolated corner of the exhibit, he glanced at a familiar clock in the corner of the room, deflating a bit when he saw the time.

_ Twenty more minutes until his break. _

With a small sigh, Tsukishima adjusted his glasses once again. He held up his clipboard, plucked a pen from his back pocket, and proceeded to write everything and nothing down on a single pink post-it note stuck to the corner of his clipboard. He often did this before his breaks. Pretending to write down information on a sheet of paper so visitors would assume he was simply too busy to deal with them at the moment. Lucky for him, it worked every time. He smirked to himself as he started drawing the Allosaurus that was right in front of him.

Another minute or so passed and the post-it note was covered in mini dinosaurs, random English phrases he remembered from his university classes, and a few actual important reminders he needed for this upcoming week. After sparing another glance at the clock, he huffed when seeing that the time hadn’t changed much, so he continued to lightly trace his pen over the note, stopping at times to overlook the area just to make sure there were no disturbances to the exhibit.

It was getting boring after the fourth or fifth time he scanned the room and nothing had changed. Kei adjusted his glasses, when he suddenly paused and his gaze was caught in one place.

Off in the opposite corner of where Tsukishima stood, there was a tall man with an all too familiar smile. A worried frown tugged on the corners of his lips. “There’s no way…” Tsukishima muttered to himself, eyes a bit wide as he continued to stare. As if some miracle occurred and the man heard him speak, he turned his head, immediately making eye contact. 

Of course… Just Tsukishima’s luck that all these years later and on the exact same day where he was remembering their history together... he’d be merely a few strides away from none other than Kuroo at the most “convenient” time. It felt like a cruel joke.

Tsukishima felt his face burn up and suddenly it felt a bit too hot and stuffy in his secluded corner. He adjusted his glasses again, a nervous habit of his. Kuroo grinned at the sight, looking down for a moment before making his way through the crowd. He slowly weaved his way through in order not to disturb those around him or draw too much attention to himself.

He couldn’t believe it. Was it something that Tsukishima did in his past life in order to deserve this? Or was this perhaps a punishment for all of his mistakes? He took a deep breath and held it for a moment. He made a promise that he’d start being more forgiving and easy on himself, but of course, there’s no way his negative and pestering thoughts could hold back on a rare and painful occasion such as this one.

Kei supposes he just needed to find out for himself. He took one step forward to try and meet him halfway, before seeing that Kuroo was holding onto someone’s hand.

A small child. She couldn’t be younger than six.

She looked exactly like him and as much as it pained Tsukishima, he admitted to himself that she was adorable… and Kuroo’s gaze was fond when he looked back to make sure she was okay keeping up with him. Although it had been nearly a decade since last seeing him, Kei definitely wasn’t expecting Kuroo to have moved on this much in his life. It felt like a slap to the face and Kei felt absolutely ridiculous for not wanting to accept it.

Tsukishima turned his expression to a deadpan stare as Kuroo approached with a wide grin, waving his hand slightly. 

_ He missed his smile.  _

“Oi, Tsukki! That is you, isn’t it?” He had a teasing tone, followed by his signature smirk. He was definitely still the Kuroo he remembered.

“Kuroo-san… What are you doing here?” Tsukishima was a bit surprised when he realized he had to look up a bit to maintain eye contact.  _ He’s changed a lot. _

“I should be asking you that. Why are you in Tokyo?” Kuroo moved to stand at Tsukishima’s side, the little girl staying close to Kuroo. Kei merely shrugged, hugging his clipboard close to his chest once again. “I moved here as soon as I graduated from Karasuno. I wanted to attend university in Tokyo since it had better classes and schools compared to Sendai.”

Out of his peripheral view, he saw Kuroo nod slowly in acknowledgment. “Damn… You’ve been here all this time…” He sounded as if he stated that mainly to himself. “But anyways, it’s nice to see you again. You look good.” Tsukishima’s heartbeat sped up due to his comment, skipping a few beats every now and then. Clearing his throat, Kei managed to quickly compose himself and speak again, “You never answered my question. What are you doing here?” 

“Ah,” Kuroo looked down at his side, “Thought I’d take her out today.” The little girl held tightly onto Kuroo’s hand, looking up at Tsukishima with wide eyes. “I’ve been busy at work recently…” Kuroo continued, smiling down at her, “I came home the other day and Mai wouldn’t stop telling me about how she found a book about dinosaurs and she wanted to see them-”

“Mai?” Tsukishima interrupted, and the young girl perked up at the sound of her name. She smiled at Kei. “Oh! Right, I haven’t introduced you yet.” Kuroo picked her up, her small hands hugging his neck. “This is Mai.” Tsukishima looked between Kuroo and Mai. The similarities were all there.

Kuroo had these beautiful amber eyes that Kei absolutely adored, and Mai had them too, except they were wider, innocent, and would easily light up. Kuroo’s pitch black hair was always a mess, but nowadays it seemed he somehow managed to calm it, and it looked as if Mai was in the same situation. Her hair looked soft and was sticking up in random places, but it was cute nonetheless. Mai also appeared to be a shy girl. Compared to the other toddlers Tsukishima has reluctantly dealt with, she was unusually quiet and reserved. Not that he was complaining, in fact, he could probably relate to her in some way.

Although he did enjoy seeing how similar Kuroo and Mai were, that didn’t stop the frown that threatened to pull at Tsukishima’s lips, but he suppressed it, hoping his facial expression didn’t change. “Mai… Is she…?” He left the question lingering, wanting to hear it from Kuroo. Sure he made connections earlier, but he needed it to be confirmed. Maybe it’s not what he originally thought in the first place.

Kuroo understood immediately. He hoisted her up a little bit, holding her close. “Yeah… my daughter.”

Tsukishima felt the familiar burn in his eyes once again, but he forced everything down.

“Oh, uh- right, I forgot you’re working right now. Do you have a break sometime soon?” Kuroo scratched the back of his neck with his free hand. “I’d love to catch up, if that’s okay with you.” Tsukishima glanced at the clock ~~to hide a giddy smile~~ to check the time. “In four minutes.” Kuroo’s eyes lit up and he grinned, “Well then, glasses-kun, let’s start finding a place to sit.”

Eventually, after Tsukishima hurriedly alerted his coworker that he’d be taking his break, they settled on an outdoor area of the museum, the two men sitting on a stone bench while Mai distracted herself a few feet away. They sat in silence for a few seconds before Kuroo spoke up again, “She’s six. We had her in my third year of college.” Tsukishima started nibbling on his onigiri that he packed for today’s lunch, unsure of how to respond. Like always, Kuroo knew exactly what Tsukki was wondering. “I know what you’re thinking. “Weren’t you a bit young to have a kid?” Yes, I was, but it was nothing more than a hookup.” He sighed, slouching over and resting his chin on his palm, ignoring the glare he received from Tsukki since he mocked the sound of his voice.

“Well… Did you regret it?” Tsukishima swallowed, “I mean… regret it all, I guess.” He felt unsure of what to say. “Are you kidding? Not at all.” Kuroo paused, huffing, “Well, okay, hooking up with someone like her, yeah I regret it, but taking custody of Mai? Not in the slightest. She’s an absolute angel.”   
  


Kei grinned, feeling a bit more comfortable with the situation. He could tell Kuroo could talk as if no years had passed at all, and as if that incident back in Kei’s first year never happened either. This comforted him. “If she’s an angel, I’m relieved to hear she can put up with you, Kuroo-san.” He chuckled and took another small bite from his onigiri, purposefully ignoring Kuroo’s pout. “So mean,Tsukki! Even after all these years you still can’t respect your elders!”

The pair continued to bicker and laugh at each other up until Tsukki’s break was just about done. “I have to go back in soon…” He started, “Are you and Mai going to continue?” Kei had hoped the two would stay a bit longer, but of course he wouldn’t admit it. “Ah, probably not. I also promised her I’d take her out shopping.” Kuroo stretched when he sat up, “Toddlers are expensive! Especially ever since she found out dinosaurs were a thing.” He shook his head, calling Mai over.

Kuroo had explained to Tsukishima that it was difficult raising Mai in the beginning. He wasn’t entirely sure how to properly care for a child, much less one without the support of another parent, and while he was trying to finish up his third year of college… but he managed. He actually received help from Akaashi and Bokuto since the latter was apparently “great with kids,” but Akaashi ended up doing a lot of the heavy lifting out of the two since Bokuto was often at practice. Kuroo also admitted how at some point he even considered giving her up for adoption since he felt unworthy and he couldn’t give her a life she deserved.

However, in the end, Kuroo pulled through. He managed to graduate college with a perfect GPA and worked two jobs while Mai was with Akaashi who was luckily working at home during that time. Kuroo definitely was happier than he was in the beginning, and although Tsukishima wasn’t there to witness it all, he could say with his whole chest that he was proud of Kuroo.

“You’re a good dad, Kuroo-san.” 

The words accidentally escaped past his lips and Tsukishima immediately felt like an asshole. He didn’t say anything that entire time Kuroo explained everything that had happened to him in the past nine years they’ve been apart, and that’s all he could respond with? Being a bit too sentimental with his words may have thrown off Kuroo, but even so, it would’ve been thoughtful of him if he said something more than that. God, he’s such an idiot-

“Thank you, Tsukki.” Kuroo smiled fondly and his cheeks were a dark tint of pink. “It really means a lot coming from you.”

Before Kei could respond, Kuroo already had Mai in his arms. “Hey… Glasses-kun, why don’t we meet up after your shift is over? That is, if you don’t work again tomorrow.” He grinned, fishing out his phone from his back pocket. Tsukishima’s mouth was slightly ajar as he stared at Kuroo. He already wasn’t expecting his day to go like this, much less meet up with Kuroo when it wasn’t even necessary in the first place.

Not that he was complaining.

“No, I don’t work on weekends.” Tsukishima also reached for his phone just as Kuroo was ready to exchange his. They put in their numbers and handed the phones back. “My shift ends an hour after the museum closes at six.” Kei slid his phone into his front pocket, looking up at Kuroo. “I hope that works for you.”

Kuroo smirked, “Of course, any time works as long as I get to see my favorite student.” 

He received a small lecture and a slap on the head.

Right before the two parted ways, Mai finally spoke up. “Tsukki-san!” Kei was a bit taken back when he heard the young girl speak up so suddenly, but his heart melted a little bit when he saw her bright eyes. “Are you coming over today?” She sounded hopeful which made Tsukishima give her a small, yet fond smile. “Yes, I think so.”

Mai let out a gasp and smiled wide, hiding her grin in her dad’s shoulder. Kei chuckled a bit, turning his attention to Kuroo who was already focused on him. His smile was warm, much like that night all those years ago. “I’ll be waiting for you when your shift ends. Don’t make me wait, Tsukki!” He spoke with a sing-song voice, Kei rolling his eyes at the sound, but ended up fighting off a smile in the end.

“Alright.”

* * *

There was fifteen minutes left until his shift ended.

Kei was currently gathering his things and preparing to clock out. Admittedly, he was nervous, but even saying that was an understatement. In all honesty, he still wasn’t mentally prepared for what’s inevitably going to happen once his shift is over.

He was going to Kuroo’s place.

The thought of it caused him to tap his finger nail against his clipboard that he always held onto and although he’d usually hate anyone who makes such obnoxious sounds, he really couldn’t help doing it. Kei knew why he was nervous, but of course he didn’t want to admit it to anyone, even if it’s only him aware of this situation.

_ Who gave Kuroo the right to suddenly come back in his life? _

“Tsukishima-kun.”

He perked up, staring at his boss who was standing right in front of him. “Are you okay? You seem on edge.” Kei fixed his posture and simply shook his head, “I’m okay, thanks.” His boss raised an eyebrow and smirked at him. “What’s the matter Tsukishima-kun? You gotta cute date after this? Taking a girl back home for the weekend?”    
  


Kei sighed internally, but didn’t say much. His boss was an innocent older man. He didn’t feel the need to explain it to someone like him. “Not today. Just a friend.” He tried smiling but he quickly got tired of it, settling back into his resting face. His boss let out a hearty laugh, slapping him on the back multiple times. “That’s what they all say! C’mon, with a handsome, tall fellow like you, I’m sure getting girls comes easy. Well, good luck with that. I’ll even let ya leave early today to meet up with your friend.” He winked and left Tsukishima alone. Kei let out a sigh, rolling his shoulders to get the feeling off of him.

Finally.

Not even two minutes after, Tsukishima left through the front doors, hoping he didn’t look as restless and anxious about this whole situation as he thought he did. Even after surviving the rest of his shift, he still couldn’t wrap his mind around this entire situation. Kuroo has been out of his life for nearly a decade, and despite living in Tokyo for almost six years now, they’d managed to avoid each other for so long… It was overwhelming to have all of this happen in one day, but he can’t say he’s not happy about it.

Actually, he hasn’t felt this happy in awhile. It felt… nice, in a way.

Idly standing near the entrance of the museum, Kei took a deep breath and was able to compose himself a little before pulling out his phone, checking to see if he had any messages, and he did. He already had two from Kuroo. His cheeks felt warm despite the weather and before Kei was able to click on his messages, he felt a somewhat warm and intimidating presence looming over his shoulder.

“Tsukki~”

Kuroo was staring down at him with a soft smile, his cheeks a pretty tint of pink, most likely due to the chilly night. Taking notice only made Kei more flustered, “Kuroo-san…” He narrowed his eyes at Kuroo, but noticed that Mai was also standing right next to him, holding her father’s hand. “I hope you don’t mind, but Mai will be joining us tonight.” They began making their way towards the station, “I asked if she wanted to go visit Bokuto and Akaashi but she insisted that she wanted to see “Tsukki-san” again and would rather see them tomorrow.” Kei, who was walking right next to Mai, looked down at her and offered a smile, “Is that true, Mai-chan?”  The little girl looked up at Tsukishima and reached for his hand. He was a bit taken back at first, but he didn’t want to ignore her so he gently held her free hand as the three continued to walk. After a few moments of silence, Kuroo spoke up, a smirk on his face. “She really likes you, huh?” Tsukishima blushed and stared at the ground. “I guess so.”

He’s never been good at interacting with kids since he never had any younger siblings or even cousins to take care of. Although he had to deal with kids on a daily basis due to his job, he’d usually just brush them off or ignore them as much as he was able to. Not being able to tell if he was being kind to Mai worried him since he actually found himself liking her and didn’t want to mess up, but lucky for Kei, Kuroo was there to reassure him.

Before he knew it, the three of them were standing in front of Kuroo’s apartment. They seemed to be in a more expensive part of Tokyo, which to Kei, was both shocking and impressive. He knew how much Kuroo struggled with finances and although he eventually made everything work out… Kei certainly wasn’t expecting anything like this. It was a gated community with varying sizes of apartments. Kuroo’s was impressive, but it wasn’t nearly the biggest one this area had to offer. Kei stared in awe the entire time, admittedly a bit jealous since he’d have to go home to his tiny apartment right in the center of the bright, neon city of Akihabara.

As soon as they walked in, Kei was greeted by a fairly large and modern living space accompanied by cozy decor which screamed that Kuroo decorated all of this by himself. Mai ended up running off to the next room, Kuroo following right behind to make sure she doesn't accidentally get herself hurt from this sudden outburst of energy.

This gave Kei an opportunity to explore this area of the apartment for himself.

From where he was standing in the entryway, he could see Kuroo's selection of fresh herbs resting on the windowsill along with fruits nestled in a basket in the corner of his kitchen. Tsukishima smiled upon seeing many different kitchen appliances laid out on the countertops, showing that Kuroo had recently been cooking (and most likely made a mess in the process).

Tsukishima toed off his shoes and slowly stepped into the living room, muttering out a small "Pardon the intrusion…" to no one in particular. His eyes immediately were drawn to a large bookshelf sitting next to a plush loveseat and matching coffee table with a lamp sitting atop it. It was admittedly a nice, cozy setup. It looked as if it was used often due to the disorganized books, ruffled blankets and flat pillows.

Kei took a closer look, eyes widening once taking notice to some picture frames, one was sitting on the coffee table and three others were carefully distributed onto the bookshelf. He carefully picked up the first one that was on the table, holding it with great care. Despite a little dust coating the glass, Kei could easily tell it was a picture of Mai when she was younger. He couldn't exactly tell who was holding her, but he assumed it was Kuroo due to the way the arms were holding her close to their chest, one of the hands cradling her head and stroking her round cheek with their thumb.

Setting down the picture, Kei moved onto the other remaining three pictures. At first glance, he could easily tell they were pictures from Kuroo’s high school days. One of them was a picture of Kuroo and the other two third years from Nekoma on graduation day; Kai and Yaku if he remembered correctly. The second was of him and Kenma sleeping against each other on a bus ride home, which Tsukishima assumed was during nationals, the same day those two wore themselves out, but in the end were eliminated. His heart skipped a beat, recalling how much he and Kuroo talked despite their conversations occurring during the middle of a match. To this day, he still was confused as to why Kuroo was giving him advice even though if Karasuno won, Nekoma would be eliminated and it would’ve been the last official match Kuroo participated in for the rest of his high school days.

It was really a “Kuroo” thing to do, and Tsukishima still appreciated it.

Finally, the last picture.

Tsukishima immediately recognized who was in the picture. It was the four of them, all those years ago practicing in the third gym. He took his time observing this one.

Bokuto was standing front and center, a wide grin plastered on his face, flexing his muscles while Akaashi was towards the side, wearing a lopsided yet fond smile as he stared at Bokuto. Tsukishima always wondered how they were doing… Despite it being a few years, he knew those two were inseparable and he’d hoped Akaashi managed to confess to Bokuto or vice versa. It annoyed him to no end having to constantly watch the two pining over each other during Kei’s first year, and listening to Akaashi constantly wondering about Bokuto when it was his second year. It was irritating, yes, but he will admit he was incredibly happy to hear from Kuroo that they were at least still together in some way. He’d have to ask for more details on them later.

Kei was also standing right in front, taking up a good portion of the photo right next to Bokuto with a scowl on his face and glasses slipping off due to all the sweat. He cringed upon seeing his high school self so he quickly avert his eyes, which ended up landing on Kuroo who had his hands on his hips, appearing as if he was laughing obnoxiously loud, most likely at whatever Bokuto said during that moment. Kei couldn’t exactly remember what events had occurred beforehand, but whatever it was, it brought a smile to his face. 

He thought it was cute that Kuroo had all these pictures reminding him of his friends and loved ones.

It’s a shame he ruined the nicest picture.

“Looks like you’ve made yourself comfortable.” Kuroo snickered, surprising Kei more than it should’ve. Mai was standing right behind him, holding a little charm in her hand and placing it in her pocket quickly. Kei felt his face go red as he turned around to properly address Kuroo. “...My apologies-” 

“You’re fine, glasses-kun. Actually, that reminds me… It’s getting late and you’ve been in those clothes all day.” Kuroo gestured to Kei’s outfit and his hair that was slowly falling back onto his face. “You can go ahead and clean up a bit. I can give you some clothes so you can be comfortable.” Kuroo spoke as if it was nothing. As if the thought of wearing some of Kuroo’s clothes didn’t cause Kei’s heartbeat to speed up to an abnormal pace. “No, Kuroo-san, I’ve already intruded enough. I’ll be okay in these clothes.”

Before Kuroo could protest, Mai spoke up, “Tsukki-san! Let’s go get comfy.” She started pulling on Tsukishima’s sleeve, leading him towards what he was assuming was Kuroo’s bedroom. He heard the latter chuckling, the last audible words he heard was “Thank you, sweetheart.” Mai let go of Kei’s sleeve once they reached his room and immediately ran to Kuroo’s wardrobe, plopping down on her knees to search for something folded in one of the bottom drawers. Kei slowly walked up behind her, watching as she pulled out black sweatpants and an over-sized light blue hoodie. “This is for you!” She smiled proudly, reaching up to hand them over to Kei. “Oh. Thank you, Mai-chan.”

Mai giggled before running off once more, Kei hearing her feet patter into the next room over. He was now left alone in Kuroo’s room, his clothes in hand. Tsukishima’s face heated up and he huffed in annoyance,  _ “Now is definitely  _ **_not_ ** _ the time to be thinking about your stupid high school crush.”  _ He shook his head, composing himself with a deep breath. If he couldn’t handle wearing Kuroo’s clothes in a completely innocent way, how would he expect himself to talk to Kuroo for the rest of the night?

As he was slipping off his wine colored button-up, Kei’s eyes slowly scanned over Kuroo’s bedroom, taking a moment to observe everything. It was rather dark, consisting of black and gray themes with touches of crimson and white, but aside from the colors, everything was organized nicely. He glanced at a digital clock that was placed on Kuroo’s nightstand, noticing the time. Kuroo was right… It was getting late and even though the trains would be running for at least a couple more hours, the stations would likely be empty which made a lot of people feel uneasy, Kei included. This meant he’d probably be stuck at Kuroo’s house for the night. Sure he wasn’t complaining, but what would Kuroo think? Surely he’s thought this through, but he supposes he’ll ask the man himself about staying too late.

Once he finished changing into the clothes Mai had chosen for him, he ruffled up his hair, letting the combed, slicked back style fall back into its usual place. Kei let out a sigh, the comfy and over-sized clothes made him feel more comfortable after being stiff all day long. Sure, he wasn’t able to look at himself in the mirror considering the fact that he couldn’t physically handle that these were Kuroo’s clothes, but he chose to ignore that minor detail. Tsukishima then slipped his glasses back on and folded up his own clothes, carrying them outside to the living room where he saw Kuroo standing behind the kitchen counter, the sound of water boiling emitting from that area. He looked to his right to see Mai already comfortable underneath the kotatsu, breaking out into a wide grin when she saw Tsukishima. “Tsukki-san!”

This caught Kuroo’s attention, looking up to see Kei standing in the hallway with his hair fluffy, eyes wide, and holding his previous clothes close to his chest. Kuroo couldn’t suppress a grin, “I’ve never seen you look so small and cute before, glasses-kun.” Tsukishima averted his eyes, feeling his face quickly heat up, “Whatever… Where can I put my clothes?” 

“Oh, just set it on the coffee table. We can take care of it tomorrow.”

_ Tomorrow… _

Tsukishima chose not to say another word, silently walking over and setting his clothes down. As he was doing so, he felt a tug on his sleeve once again, “Tsukki-san, come sit with me.” It was Mai. She pulled him to the kotatsu, the two of them getting comfortable underneath. Kei glanced over at Kuroo to see that he was still busy in the kitchen, so he began talking to Mai to kill time. When they first met a few hours ago, Tsukishima expected her to be more reserved and quiet, rather than this hyper and talkative child he’s been experiencing ever since he got here. Usually he doesn’t like dealing with children, especially the ones that were more talkative and outgoing since he simply didn’t have the energy for them, but he actually enjoyed Mai’s presence. She was a smart girl, easy to talk to since she was the one that did most of the talking anyways, and he also loved how she was so similar to Kuroo. It made his heart flutter a bit whenever she acted like him even in the slightest of ways.

It was adorable, in his opinion.

Apparently, Kuroo was just out of earshot, because Mai began to speak freely without consequence, “My dad said he was excited for you to come over.” She grinned innocently, “And he says you’re cute! I think so too.” Kei didn’t get a chance to respond due to how flustered the comment left him, which gave Mai the chance to continue talking. “Daddy told me you were friends in high school…” She pouted, “He wouldn’t stop talking about you on the train ride home, but it’s okay because I like you.” Kei let out a chuckle, the blush never leaving his face, “Is that right?” This was one thing he hated, but loved about children at the same time.

They were always honest when talking to other people.

“What are you two talking about?” Kuroo brought over two cups of tea, setting one down in front of Kei, holding the other cup as he sat down across from Mai. Kei muttered out a quiet “Thank you” before smirking at Kuroo, speaking with an innocent voice,“Mai-chan said how you wouldn’t stop talking about me on the train ride home.” Kuroo nearly choked on his tea, setting it down and glaring at his daughter, “Mai! I also told you it’s a secret!” All Mai did was bury herself further underneath the kotatsu, her small giggles never stopping once. Kuroo rolled his eyes, but was smiling nonetheless. He leaned a bit closer towards Tsukishima, muttering under his breath, “We can talk more freely once she goes to bed.”

Kei’s eyes widened, but he didn’t respond. He merely watched as Kuroo turned to Mai, “Sweetheart, didn’t you want to visit Bokuto and Akaashi tomorrow?” She poked her head out from under the kotatsu, staring at her dad. “If you don’t go to bed soon, you’ll be too sleepy to go see them.” Mai let out a whine and pouted, “But Tsukki-san is here!”

Kuroo chuckled, standing up, “And he’ll be here tomorrow morning, too.” Seems like he was set on having Tsukishima stay over tonight. “So let’s get you to bed, okay?” Mai slowly nodded, standing up to follow her dad, before letting out a small gasp and turning to face Kei. “Wait!” She reached inside her hoodie pocket, pulling out the charm she was holding onto earlier, “Tsukki-san, this is for you.” Gently grabbing Tsukishima’s hand, she then placed the charm in his palm, her smile never once faltering. “Daddy told me you loved dinosaurs just like me… So I bought you this charm!” Tsukishima glanced up at Kuroo with a small smile, knowing that he was obviously the one who bought it, but Kuroo wanted her to impress Kei. “It’s a brachiosaurus!” Mai pronounced it a bit wrong, but it clearly didn’t phase her as she waited for Kei to respond, her eyes twinkling in anticipation.

Kei stared at the charm in his hand. The brachiosaurus was a bright neon green and in a chibi style, with big eyes and small stubs for legs. It was honestly the most precious thing Kei had ever been gifted. He couldn’t contain his smile, “I love it, Mai-chan. Thank you.” Suddenly, Kei felt a weight on his chest, at first not noticing that it was Mai who was hugging him tightly. She snuggled close to him only for a few more seconds before letting go and looking back at her dad who was silently observing the two of them with soft eyes and a fond smile, just like earlier.

“Alright sweetheart, it’s time for bed.”

“Goodnight Tsukki-san!”

Kuroo returned a few minutes later, sitting back down and tucking his legs underneath the kotatsu. He sat a bit closer this time, although occupying the side next to Kei’s, Kuroo could easily lean over and end up being a few inches away from his face. “I never properly thanked you for letting me stay over… and for borrowing your clothes.” Kei muttered, pulling on the sleeves of the hoodie so they’d cover his hands completely. “C’mon Tsukki, we’ve known each other for a long time now. There’s no need to thank me.” Kuroo grinned, “Especially for the clothes. I meant what I said earlier. You look cute.” Tsukishima felt his face burn, clearing his throat before speaking again, “We may have known each other during high school, but it’s been years since we’ve last spoken.” He ignored Kuroo’s last comment.

The other man nodded slowly, his smile faltering, “Right… high school.”

_Shit_ .

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up-”

“No,” Kuroo interrupted, fixing his posture. “Funny enough, that’s actually something I wanted to talk about now that Mai’s asleep.” Tsukishima decided to stay silent once more. Perhaps this was something that was best left for Kuroo to discuss first. “That night when I went out to apologize to you… I managed to do it, but,” He chuckled nervously, “Seems like I accidentally gave myself another thing to apologize for, and never actually went through with it.” 

He took in a breath, “I know I’m almost ten years late, but I wanna properly apologize for that night. I felt really bad afterwards since you didn’t like me back-”

_ Making assumptions… _

“-but it was alright at the time. Yeah, it felt like a slap to the face, but now I can accept it. I just hope that I didn’t weird you out too much.” Kuroo spoke softly, “I would’ve much rather had our friendship continue and keep my feelings to myself rather than have you know and ignore me afterwards.” He chuckled again, “But it worked out weirdly, didn’t it? We stayed friends for the time being and I didn’t keep my feelings to myself.” Kuroo seemed to be talking to himself at this point, straightening a bit once he came back to reality and realized Tsukki hadn’t uttered a word the entire time. “So, uhm… So, I really hope you can forgive me for everything I did.”

Kei’s heart was beating abnormally, sometimes slowing down, other times speeding up too much for his liking. It’s funny, really, how Kuroo was opening saying his feelings. It messed with Kei’s head a little, knowing that he’s had feelings for Kuroo for almost ten years now and this time they’ve resurfaced twenty times stronger than it was originally. What was he supposed to respond with? “I like you now, and have liked you all those years ago.” Absolutely not. The trains were shutting down for the night, so if he fucked things up again, he’d have nowhere to go. It was nerve wracking, especially since the two were sitting in an uncomfortable silence, waiting for Tsukishima to come up with some sort of response.

During this moment of silence, Kei had realized he’s been running from these feelings for all these years now, only to continue being haunted by them and if he’s being honest, it’s been painful to keep them to himself. He hasn’t even told Yamaguchi of that night with Kuroo, or the fact that he had a crush on an upperclassman from a completely different school. However, knowing Yamaguchi, he was probably already aware of Kei’s feelings but decided not to say anything about it. Kei kind of hated that about his best friend, how he always pushed Kei to be more up front with how he was feeling instead of shutting it out completely until someone brought it up and he had no excuses to keep running away from it. It almost seemed like a never ending cycle between the two of them, and although it was frustrating the majority of the time, Kei did greatly appreciate it.

Perhaps this was a good thing for Tsukishima, and he’d have to thank Yamaguchi later.

Maybe for once… Just this one time, Kei could be honest to himself.

“I do forgive you, but…” Kuroo stiffened, his eyes never once leaving Kei despite the latter focusing on the cup of green tea he was still working on. “There’s no need to apologize.” Kei let out a long exhale, composing his thoughts, “That night when we almost, uhm, kissed… I felt awful when I didn’t respond the way I wanted to. Kuroo-san, back then, I really liked you. So much so, that it was to the point where I didn’t know how to handle it. At the time I believed I didn’t deserve you, despite wanting to kiss you back. I hated myself ever since that day, especially since I didn’t apologize to you.”

“...Actually, yeah, I really should be the one apologizing. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you, Kuroo-san.”

Kei let out another breath, murmuring to himself, “I still regret it to this day.” 

Well, he did it. He was finally able to be honest and left himself vulnerable.

What now?

He didn’t dare look back at Kuroo since now was definitely not a good time for that. Kei could tell his cheeks were burning up and he didn’t want to make it more obvious by lifting up his face only for Kuroo to see how much of a disaster he was. 

“You  _ still  _ regret it?” Kuroo’s voice was a bit too monotone for his liking, the small bit of emphasis somehow made Kei feel uneasy. It made him more nervous, but he managed to briefly make eye contact to show Kuroo he was still paying attention. “Y-Yeah, I still regret it. I’m sorry…” He didn’t know what else to say. Kei pouted after a few seconds had passed without anyone speaking, “You know, you’re not giving me much to go off of here, Kuroo-san.”

The other man shook his head, “Right, sorry. It's just that… I wasn’t expecting that answer.” He let out a breathy laugh, almost sounding a bit relieved. “Tsukishima,” Although he had a small smile, his eyes spoke more words. He was worried, “If I’m interpreting this right… Does this mean you still like me back?” His voice was low and fragile, as if raising it any higher would break whatever confusing relationship they had right now. 

  
Meanwhile, Tsukishima couldn’t look him in the eye.

“God, I hope I’m not reading this wrong.” Kuroo let out another laugh, stifling it by sipping on his tea.

_ Say something. _

_ It’s okay. _

_ Things can’t get worse. _

_ It’s fine. _

_ Just say it already, dammit! _

“...Yeah.” Kei finally managed to look him in the eye, his voice hushed, “I still like you just as much as I did all those years ago.” It took him a moment, but it seemed he only just now processed what Kuroo had actually said, “Wait, what do you mean by, “like me back?” He perked up, suddenly feeling way too flustered upon hearing Kuroo.

Kuroo grinned nervously, a dark blush evident on his face, “Would you believe me if I said I still feel the same way?” He sounded like a man with nothing else to lose. It makes sense for this situation.

Tsukishima blinked. There’s no way someone like Kuroo still held onto those feelings after all these years, especially for someone like Kei. It’s been so long… They’ve both met so many different people over the years, and he’s sure they’ve each had their fair share of relationships, hookups, and heartbreaks, so how was this possible? How was Kuroo able to admit this? Although remembering the promise to himself about trying to be more kind and forgiving in order to sort through this never-ending spiral of negative thoughts, there’s no way he could believe something like this. It was all too good to be true. Kei didn’t deserve this.

But before Kei’s thoughts could consume him completely, Kuroo pulled those thoughts away by leaning over and kissing him softly. 

Kei lost count of how many times he’s felt his face heat up tonight, but that’s definitely not stopping now. His lips were so warm and inviting… Just like he imagined it would be all those years ago. Kei wanted to react, and this time, he finally allowed himself to do what he really wanted. He’d never forgive himself if he messed this up again.

So, before Kuroo could pull away entirely, Kei gently placed his hand on Kuroo’s cheek, bringing him in closer once more. Kei initiated the kiss this time, almost breaking into a smile when he felt Kuroo kiss back eagerly. It only lasted a few moments, but Kei savored every second of it. The two broke apart slowly, Kuroo grinning at Tsukki, “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” Before the latter could respond, Kuroo leaned in once more, Tsukishima being able to feel him smiling against his lips.

After they separated for the second time, Kuroo spoke up with a content look on his face. “I missed you so much, Tsukki.” Kei looked away immediately, a scowl on his face, “...I missed you, too.” Kuroo snickered, pecking him on the lips one more time before standing up and offering Tsukishima his hand, “I think we should talk more… But it’s getting late, so why don’t we get more comfortable?”

Kei took his hand, standing up with him as Kuroo began to lead him to his bedroom. “I can’t imagine there’s going to be a lot of talking.” Kuroo hummed, turning around to give Kei yet another kiss, this time on his forehead. “How’d you know?” Kei swatted a hand at him, but couldn’t suppress his smile. “Your daughter is in the room next over, you know that, right?” Kuroo smirked, placing his hands on Tsukishima’s waist and pulling him close. “Well then, I guess you’ll have to be quiet for tonight.” Neither of them moved as Kuroo continued, his voice lowering to a soft tone, “I really did miss you. I can’t tell you how happy I was knowing you’ve somehow made it back into my life.” Kei felt his eyes beginning to water, so he ended up wrapping his arms around Kuroo’s neck, burying his face into his shoulder. “Yeah, yeah, I missed you too, idiot.” Kuroo snickered as he held Tsukishima close, gently lifting up his chin and pulling him into multiple kisses. Eventually, the two slowly started making their way to Kuroo’s room, like they originally planned, their short trip being constantly interrupted by kisses and small fits of giggles.

And with that, Kuroo’s bedroom door stayed shut for the rest of the night, and perhaps Kei could enjoy himself.

Well… Perhaps Kei could enjoy this for a long time just like he deserved. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading !!
> 
> i hope you enjoyed and id really appreciate comments and kudos from all of you
> 
> u can talk to me on twitter: @miyasamuu


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